After years of being
ridiculed with people calling me "weird" and "strange", and only being
able to retaliate with lame comebck responses such as "I know what you are, but what am I?" , " It takes one to know one" and the ever popular "Who, me worry?" I've found the ultimate response.
Friend: "You're weird Charlie!"
Me: "Yes, but I am fun at parties"
Hi, my name is Charlie and I was your designated driver this
weekend. You may think its boring being a designated driver, but
its not. Watching you guys stumble and slur is fun enough. I remembered
what happened last night. Do you?
This place has the best (virgin) pina coladas I've ever had!! 
Of all days, I have to have the worst trauma job I had in 3 years. Some guy got hit by a car, sustained substantial
bodily damage, blood everywhere, and through all the chaos I lost
my cool Benchmade Rescue Hook blade. Not cool 
"Take me DRUNK I'm HOME"
Pep talk from a German American friend about lateness (I was late for our appointment yesterday)
Friend: "You see Charlie, us Germans
made the v-1 missle. It was precise. Accurate. It was never late. We
almost conquered the entire world because of it. Look at our BMW's,
Porches, Mercedes, and even Volkswagon. Precise engineering . Us
Germans made such a huge contributions to this world "
Me: "Like David Hasselhoff?"
Friend: "Shut up"
Happy Valentine's! 
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