This Saturday we took a little premature baby to the hospital because she been suffering of infant apnea, a condition of seemly sudden and unexplainable respiratory arrest. Basically the baby becomes blue and unresponsive, and many times can kill a baby if emergency medical intervention is not immediately established.
So I took the baby straight into the ER, with the mother carrying her. The baby was fine and the nurse said she they can wait outside in the waiting room. So I escorted the baby outside to the waiting room, and I proceeded to my paperwork. After 2 minutes later, the mother who is carrying the little baby asked "Excuse me, but is my baby ok?". I looked at the baby, and noticed her color change. She had a pulse, so I picked her up...and her head just titled on the side and she became limp....
I took the baby and walked fast into the pediatric ER, and told nurses "I think she is apneic again". The nurse saw the baby and said "Oh my God". So while the nursing staff scrambled to get everyone out of the way in the already crowded ER for the life support machines, I opened my mouth to fit a air tight seal over both the tiny nose and mouth of the baby, and started to exhale small, rapid, slight forceful breaths. . It was the first time I did such a thing, usually we use a bag valve mask if any patient needed ventilation assistance. A few times I think she would come out of it, and I would feel relieved and tell the staff "she is breathing again"..only to see 2 seconds later, she ceased breathing yet again. So I kept at it until the nurses and doctors were ready.
Later on, the ER staff commended me on my "quick decisive action and total lack of self regard" for what I did, but I felt uneasy. I felt they were being extra nice to me because they may think I will complain to their supervisors that they made my little premature baby with a breathing sickness wait outside the waiting room, only for her to meet her near demise. I felt uneasy because I did not recognize the baby stopped breathing until only after the mother would point it out to me. What if I wasn't there to see it? Did I take the life of little baby too lightly because of apathy? Was what I did really called for any praise or was it just convenient for me to get it?

















































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